Safe Journey Mom

Alice O’Neill
June 6, 1935 – March 8, 2009

My mom passed on early on March 8th and though we’d been preparing ourselves for this time, it was nonetheless very difficult to accept. My mom was extremely important to me, her family and her friends which showed in the number of people who came to pay their respects at her visitation and memorial service. I want to thank everyone who in their own ways showed support for our family. Many kind words made there way to me and I cannot express how important they were in keeping me strong through this very trying time.

I can take solace in the fact that I remained a big part of my mom’s life and helped her as much as I could in her waning years. I can also feel good knowing that I have followed her final wishes to the letter (and will continue to do so until every last one is taken care of). I have to thank my wife Sandy and our daughter Alex for all their help. If not for them I don’t know what I would have done. Our friends have been incredible not only by offering to help, but by jumping in without being asked and doing whatever they could. Raquel, driving Alex and Sandy to the hospital so that I could stay close to mom. Tony delivering food to the hospital knowing I wasn’t going to leave her side. Richard, who answered his phone any time of day or night to let me vent. These are just a few examples and may sound like small things, but they were huge to us.

I can’t sleep. I close my eyes to sleep and I get angry at some things that have happened. I don’t have all that stuff that has to be taken care of to distract me anymore (not that I wanted all of it, but there was a positive). I get sad that I won’t see my mom again. I can’t shut off my mind enough to relax. Sleep is in short half hour spurts. I know it’ll get better and life will return to some kind of normalcy (whatever that is) but for now I’m troubled.

I know why I’m having trouble letting go. The scale is tipped too far in my mom’s favour and I can’t find ways to balance it out. My mother did what mother’s do – she cared for and nurtured me. She helped put a roof over my head and food on our table. We didn’t have a lot but what we had was more than enough. My father and mother helped me become a better person and develop into a man. She showed me how important life and love are. That things can be replaced but people are gone forever – choosing which to love is pretty easy.

She gave me a home when my world collapsed and never asked for anything in return. I got back on my feet and she was so proud of me. Funny how she was as responsible for that as I was but never said it or asked to be recognized. I would never look at her in a ‘what have you done for me lately’ kind of way. Mom did so much for me throughout my life – going to my hockey games (until it got too rough), cleaning up all the wounds, taking me to my doctor and dentist appointments, the birthday parties, the lessons she taught me without me knowing it, the amazing stories she told while we sat around the kitchen table, playing scrabble with me, making me the Peter Cottontail costume for my kindergarten play, always finding and stressing the positive, letting me think that I found my own way. I could fill pages of things for which to thank her and that is why I feel the scale is greatly tipped in her favour.

If I live the remainder of my life by the incredible example she set I may be able to come close to balancing the scales.

Mom, I love you and I will miss you terribly. 

Safe journey.

The Secret Ain't No Secret...

Weeks ago I made a joke about The Secret and it made me laugh but was pretty derogatory toward anyone remotely interested in this…program? Way of life? Philosophy? Ruse? I didn’t feel guilty about the comment, but I did wonder if I gave it a fair shake. After all, Oprah devoted several shows to The Secret. Maybe there was something I missed the first time I read the back of the book. Maybe the short intro on Oprah about a boy wanting a bike, thinking about the bike, cutting a picture from a catalogue of the bike and sticking it to his wall, then the bike magically appearing wasn’t the whole story

I had to investigate more thoroughly.

It was still the same pie-in-the-sky nonsense I researched when it first arrived. I watched the first twenty minutes of The Secret film on YouTube and was in awe of the production values. The producers spared no expense in dramatizing The Secret and how it has been guarded and passed down from generation to generation. At the core of this philosophy is the law of attraction. What you think about, you attract. If you think negative, I’m going to get nothing but bills in the mail, I’m going to be late, I’m never going to succeed then that is what you will attract. Think positively. Think about what you want and you will get it; you will attract it.

What works most effectively about The Secret is not a law, but a power. The power of suggestion. If people buy into The Secret they buy the book or the DVD. Marketing is the best way to describe its success.

Are you seeing what I’m seeing? What’s really at the heart of this philosophy isn’t thinking about something and getting it like the kid getting the bike he was thinking about. It’s the power of positive thinking, something Norman Vincent Peale suggested in the 50s. And like Peale’s philosophy which had no way of being substantiated, so too, falls The Secret.

No one can prove unequivocally that simply thinking about your wants will reward you with them. Nor can anyone say for certain that thinking positively will alter your life for the better. No one leaves their home in the morning thinking they want to be hit by a bus, but it happens. This is the flaw in the theory of positive thinking and likewise, in The Secret.

However, in my thirst for knowledge and while researching whether to delve further into The Secret phenomenon, I made a conscious choice. I decided that I would focus my attention on being positive and recognizing the positive over the negative. It’s been almost a month now and I have to say that it has not brought me fame or fortune. However, it has changed me in a very significant way. I am happier. It may sound strange, but it's the truth. I feel better. I wake up feeling good and go about my day feeling better than I’ve felt in a long time. Does that equal getting everything I ever wanted. Of course not. But it does make a difference in my life and in the lives of those around me.

Thinking positively has not stopped, nor will it ever stop, bad things from happening (bills will continue to arrive in the mail). Positive thinking makes those unpleasant things in life a lot more tolerable.

So, The Secret isn't a secret after all. 

 

Endo Out Tomorrow!

It has been a long road but my mystery/suspense novel, Endo, is out tomorrow. I wrote part of this novel as participation in the 2007 National Novel Writing Month. When the month was over I was half way through and that was a great feeling. It didn't take me long to finish the manuscript and I set it aside for a few weeks before starting the next step - the edit. 

Having come through the entire process I have to admit that the real work of writing a novel is rewriting the novel. Flushing out the idea behind your story, creating your characters, developing the plots then sitting down and writing the story are all fantastically enjoyable in comparison to the long, brutal process of editing. And, it turned out to be a very eye-opening experience for me since after my editor got through with it, I learned that my self-editing skills need a lot of work. 

Sitting on the other side of what I know was a heavy workload, you'd think I could take some time to enjoy the feeling of accomplishment. Not a chance. Now I have to let people know that the book is available.

There are a few things you can do to help. First, and most importantly, please buy a copy of Endo. It's a great book and I know you'll enjoy it. Second, and equally as important, please tell everyone you know to buy a copy of Endo, because it's a great book and you know they'll enjoy it. 

If you do buy a copy and give it a read (which I highly recommend), please drop by and let me know what you thought of it. Thanks in advance for giving me your time. 

The One Hour Plan

I’m a slow reader, always have been and that makes reading, at times, a chore. So, to combat that feeling of ‘mucking through’ I devised a plan – a one hour plan.

I’m going to read one hour a day for pleasure. No pressure. No page count goals. Just read what I can in an hour and no more. I can lump it all together or spread it out. Either way, I’ll be getting back to doing something I love – reading.

I’m going to do my best to stick to this plan and post the names of the books I’ve completed. I read Kelley Armstrong’s Broken and just finished her seventh book in the Women of the Otherworld series, No Humans Involved using the one hour plan. Great reads if you haven’t heard.

Well, I’m off to choose my next book. So many…

Write What You Know

It’s no secret that when a writer is bitten by the fiction bug they experience a jolt of excitement in finding their passion. There is, however, for some of those writers, a nasty toxin that lingers in their systems, sometimes for life. What effects does this toxin have on unsuspecting writers? One particularly nasty effect gets them to lock into writing guidelines and consider them hard, carved-in-stone rules from which they must never deviate.

Most of these so-called rules are easy to dismiss, bend, break or ignore. Though, there is one that puts up a tougher fight. On many occasions I’ve heard and read that writers should write what they know. I’ve fielded that question a few times at conventions or in writing groups and every time I get stuck in the same sparring match – how can I write about murder or flying an airplane or driving a racecar when I’ve never murdered anyone, flown a plane or even gotten a speeding ticket?

The fiction writing bug does a great job because its venom gets the writer to take this suggestion literally. One has to look at the broader meaning.

Consider this, a scene has many elements and one of them is emotion (or lack of it). When we talk about writing what we know, we talk about making a connection with something emotionally, something close enough to the action you’re writing about to give it realism.

I’ve never flown a plane, but I can ask a pilot about the mechanics of flying a plane or I can try a flight simulator to get a handle on the procedures of piloting an aircraft. What I lose is the emotional connection to flying a plane. By all means ask a pilot what it feels like to fly a plane and use that but go one step further and write what you know.

Here’s what I know about flying a plane. I’ve been in the cockpit of one in flight, I’ve also been at the open door of a plane several thousand feet in the air, while the plane was banking. I’ve flown on commercial airlines and felt severe turbulence. I’ve flown through fog so thick that I spotted the runway just as the wheels touched down. I’ve been on a plane that lost altitude and quickly recovered. I’ve flown at night and day, above, below and through the clouds. I’ve been on a plane during a heavy storm. I’m sure I could come up with more.

I must consider what the scene entails. Let’s say the pilot has a killer flying after him in another plane and he’s trying to lose him. I can not only use what I know of being on and around planes and the interview with a real pilot but also anything that will bring me the emotions that go with…flying fast, erratically, banking and rolling. I can draw from my experience of being on a rollercoaster that flipped upside-down. I can use my experiences watching movies at the Ontario Place Theatre. There was a film that showed a bird’s eye perspective of flying over all kinds of terrain and you felt just like you were the bird (my stomach flipped a few times as I recall).

What you might find is that your scene is likely to change when you apply write what you know. It will get better and feel far more real to you which translates to a much more fulfilling read for your audience.

There are going to be scenes where you’ll have to stretch your imagination to apply write what you know. Let’s take murder for example. No, I’ve never murdered anyone and I’ve never even wanted to. I’ve been angry and upset at people, but murder never crossed my mind. So, what then? How do you apply writing what you know in this situation?

Since you’re writing in the realm of fiction then I know you’re a creative person and that is what you’ll have to tap to make the emotional connection work. You’ll have to be very specific to your character’s needs and wants and their reasons for committing such a heinous crime. Once you’re clear on all that, ask yourself what that experience may be like for your character? What are they feeling? If it’s anger that drives them to kill, think of the most angry you’ve ever been and connect your character to those emotions.

This is where you’ll be happy that writing is a solitary affair; you wouldn’t want to openly share these emotional moments with people since they are so personal – I know I’d never share them. You’re not writing about the event that made you feel a certain way, you’re focusing on the feelings that were a result of the event. Did your body shake? What did it feel like? Were you sweating, breathing hard, or outwardly completely in control and your mind reeling? Fists clenched or hands wrung together? Think about that time and write what you know.

Now go write something – that you know.

Do we ever disconnect from people?

I heard some sad news a few days ago and I got to thinking of a guy who was a big part of my life in my younger days. I laughed a lot with this friend of mine and I truly enjoyed being around him. He had a way of pushing you to do things that you might not, at first thought, want to even try. I still can’t believe that he got me to go parachuting. I was fine until I got in the damn plane.

Kenny practically stormed the plane and I laughed at him thinking that if he wanted to go first, that was just fine with me. I hung back and made sure I was one of the last to get on the plane – I was in no hurry to leave a perfectly good aircraft. My logic was pretty sound until I took my seat on the floor, legs out for the person in front of me to sit between, and they were the only thing between me and the open door.

I took a quick look out the window and learned a very valuable lesson in perspective. Ever stand under a bridge and think, that’s not so high. Then, on the bridge looking down you’re amazed at how high it is. That was exactly what I experienced on that little plane. I’d seen small aircraft flying around Toronto all the time and they didn’t look so high. They were a lot higher than I ever imagined. I mentally tried to blow up Kenney’s head but I wouldn’t even know if I’d succeeded since he was at the very back of the plane, ten people away from me. I was sure I heard him laugh though.

The plane dipped sideways and me and my fifty pound chute slid against the side, my face an inch from the window. The instructor motioned for jumper one, the guy sitting in front of me, to get set. He scrambled to the door and the plane turned again, the guy leaned out the door then the instructor yelled, “Go.” Static line or not, this guy fell away from that plane like he was Superman – faster than a speeding bullet. He was there, then he was gone.

Jumper number two did the same, then the instructor motioned to me. I hated and loved Kenny at that exact moment. He’d gotten me to do something that wasn’t remotely on my list of things to do. My heart was trying to burst through my chest, the straps holding the chute on me and my emergency parachute. I tasted bile or maybe blood since I was gnawing on my lip like it was chewing tobacco.

I waddled into position at the door and as the plane arced left to get back to the jump zone, my mind went over every detail I’d learned that day and it stopped dead on one thing - my only real fear was getting my chute caught on the tail of the plane. I even said so during the slide presentation that morning – the one that was to help us understand what might go wrong and how to handle it.

“Nothing to worry about,” the instructor said. “I’ve never seen it happen.”

Four slides later the voice on the tape said that if your chute gets caught on the tail of the plane, not to worry. Skilled pilots will still be able to land the plane and you’ll only have a few bumps and bruises to show for it. I turned to Kenny and apparently I’d still not mastered shooting lasers from my eyes. My expression only made him laugh louder and stall the presentation.

I was hanging out of the door, my fingers gripping its lip to the point where I was sure they’d find metal under my fingernails when I splatted against the ground. I saw a light turn green and the instructor yelled at me. Using the lip on the door, I pulled myself back so I could get more momentum reducing the risk of getting snagged on the tail.

The instructor must have thought I was freezing, because he put his hands on the bottom of my vintage parachute and hoisted me through the door.

I flipped and screamed and yelled and then opened my eyes (as you can tell, my training really sank in) to see the plane disappear. Sounds came out of my throat that I didn’t think I could make. The chute whipped by my left hip and as a drowning man will clutch at anything, I grabbed for it. I quickly realized my mistake and let it go.

I felt a massive jolt and I swung back and forth a few times. I looked up and saw the ground. I looked down and saw the chute. My mind couldn’t process this information fast enough and sent my hand to my emergency chute. But, before I pulled it, I realized that I wasn’t falling – it felt like I was floating. I looked down again and saw that my feet were tangled in my risers (those straps that go from all the chute cords to your shoulders). I slowly untangled my feet and my body snapped upright.

It was, and still is, one of the most beautiful sights I’ve ever seen. The soft orange glow of the setting sun shrouded by slight strips of black cloud bathed the earth in the sweetest colour of light I’ve ever seen. I forgot every bad thing that had happened and floated for what felt like an hour.

When I was safely on the ground I found Kenny and we hugged, laughing and smiling. It was a journey that I will never forget and it will forever be linked to my friend Kenny. There are other memories, too, that help keep Kenny in my thoughts every so often.

So, do we really disconnect from people? No. Once in our lives, always in our lives.

Safe journey Ken Montgomery, and thanks for being my friend.

A few questions with…Eve Silver A.K.A. Eve Kenin

Eve Silver is an instructor of human anatomy and microbiology, and a bestselling author. Her first book was published in November of 2005 and not surprisingly to anyone who’s read her work, since then she's earned starred reviews from Publishers Weekly and Library Journal, Reviewers Choice Awards from RT BOOKreviews, and was chosen by Library Journal as one of their Best Genre Fiction 2007 picks.

Her latest release, Hidden, written as Eve Kenin, is in stores now with His Wicked Sins, penned under Eve Silver, hitting stores in August. Demon's Hunger will be available November.

I’m thrilled that she could take time out of what has to be an incredibly busy schedule to answer a few questions.

Hello…Thanks for the intro.

Q. How does a woman with a busy family life (husband and two sons), teach anatomy and microbiology, and write for three different publishers? I’m tired just asking the question.

A. It’s no secret…butt-in-chair-hands-on-keyboard. I’m business oriented in that sense, even though I’m in a creative profession. I promised my publisher(s) a book by deadline, and I’m determined to meet my obligation. I make every effort to turn in the project, clean and on time. Sometimes, that means sacrifices. On family vacations, I get up early and write while everyone else sleeps, then hang out with them once they roll out of bed. And unfortunately, I have to delegate jobs like cleaning the bathroom or doing the Everest-sized mountain of laundry. Sad, I know. But something’s gotta give, LOL!

Last year was a bit crazy. I completed four projects: HIDDEN by Eve Kenin and three Eve Silver releases, HIS WICKED SINS, NATURE OF THE BEAST (Kiss of the Vampire), and DEMON’S HUNGER.

Q. Though you write for three different lines, there is a common thread between them. They are, at their core, romances. What drew you to the romance genre?

A. I read my first romance when I was in my teens, and what struck me about the genre was the tone of hope, strength and perseverance. I love that. Throughout the rough patches in my life, romance novels offered the happy ending, and that was uplifting and wonderful. When I started writing, there was no question in my mind that romance was the way I would go. That said, I write three different genres: historical gothics (sort of historical suspense stories), contemporary paranormals about demons and sorcerers, and futuristic speculative stories that recently had a reviewer pose the question, “This is a ROMANCE?”, in stunned amazement when he read DRIVEN. Guess he wasn’t expecting a post-apocalyptic, trans-Siberian trucker tale to be a love story.

Q. From what I’ve read of your work, you’re not exactly writing your mom’s romance. How have things changed from the time you started reading romances to writing them?

A. Hey, don’t knock Mom’s romance, LOL!

Interesting question. Some things haven’t changed at all. Many romances are quite brilliant, with amazing character development and emotional depth. I still pull old reads off my keeper shelf, curl up in a comfy chair and lose myself in those stories. And some things have changed a great deal. There is a blurring of lines between romance and other genres, and blends and hybrids are increasingly more common. For example, years ago, when I started reading Kelley Armstrong’s Otherworld books, they were shelved and sold as horror. Today, those same books are among romance fan favorites.

Q. Do you write at home? If so, is your family on board? Do they give you room and quiet to work?

Yes, I write at home. And yes, my family is on board. In fact, they recently helped set up a great office for me…a room all to myself! Up until that point I’d been writing in bed or at the kitchen table or on the couch…sitting in a lawn chair at one kid’s football practice or waiting outside their martial arts lessons…wherever, whenever. Because life doesn’t stop just because I need to finish a scene. I’m used to writing in a tumult of activity, so I don’t usually ask for quiet. But they are amazing in the sense that they pick up the slack for all household chores and such when I’m deep in deadline hell.

Q. How in depth are your outlines, if you outline at all?

A. Urrgh! This is embarrassing. I’m horrible at outlines. In this business, you need to send your editor a synopsis or outline. And mine are pathetic. My books never end up anything like the outlines I create (except for the novella Kiss of the Vampire in the anthology NATURE OF THE BEAST that actually, by some miracle, did follow the outline). But mostly, I’m a pantser: I write by the seat of my pants. I just start to type (actually, I hunt and peck…I never learned to type) and I hope that a story shows up on the pages. Because if it doesn’t, I’m in big trouble, LOL!

Q. What comes first for you when developing a story, plot or character?

A. Neither. I open a blank page. I start to type (er…hunt and peck), and whatever shows up, shows up. I’m not very good at planning or plotting, and my characters don’t even get names for the first few chapter. I just type YYY for the guy (because of the Y chromosome) and XXX for the girl (because of the X chromosome), and then I go back and do find-and-replace when a name hits me.

Q. How heavily do you research your stories?

A. Tons of research. For me, it isn’t enough to say that there’s a laser in the story. I need to find out what type of laser. And it isn’t enough to say the vehicles are hydrogen powered. I actually need to research the physics of it and see exactly what that would entail.

For my historicals, I research the little things in the hopes of getting it right. What year were matches invented? What would have been served for breakfast? Exactly how was tea prepared? The little things bug me because I hate to miss something and get it wrong.

Q. With so many books under your belt you must have quite a fan base. Do you enjoy book signings and meeting your fans?

A. I do enjoy booksignings. I like connecting with readers who enjoy my stories. It’s a lovely thing to know I did it right, to know that the book I wrote spoke to a reader and made them feel the way I hoped they would feel.

Q. Do you have any advice for writers trying to get published?

A. Butt-in-chair-hands-on-keyboard. If you don’t write the book, you can’t sell the book. And don’t become obsessed with the first chapter. I know people who polish that first chapter, rewriting it over and over again, submitting it to contests, but never getting any farther in the story. Push on. Get through the first chapter and the second and the third. Make it to the end. Then go back and change what you want to change. Write the book, not just a chapter. Persevere. It isn’t always an easy road (I had hundreds of rejections before I made my first sale), but if the need to write burns inside of you like a cold blue flame, then write.

Thank you again Eve, for answering a few of my questions and best of luck with Hidden, His Wicked Sins, and Demon's Hunger.

Eve has graciously offered to drop by and answer questions so, please leave a comment or question.

If you’d like to learn more about Eve Silver and all of the books she has available, please drop by her website.